Journey On

I needed this day to be over before it began. I didn't handle it well. I ran myself into the ground, but I'm still wound. As a Christian, is it alright to say I've suffered an anxiety attack? I don't really know anymore. A while ago, I denied anxiety and depression in Jesus' Name, and I thought that made me well. My faith made me well. What changed? What happened this morning was in my head, but it was as real to me as drowning. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't make it stop. I didn't think it would end. I begged Jesus to help me. I believe He did. I laid on the cool tile floor in the living room and pet my dog until I felt the pressure lift. My mind slowed down. I could feel the air in my lungs again. The rest of the day was okay, but it was rough. Decisions were more difficult. Processing information was slower. Time didn't seem to line up with my mind. I was either 99 miles ahead or behind. I got it done, though. I got ba...

I don't really know what to say here. This place isn't for anyone but me. Here, I'm hoping I can help myself out of my rut.  I don't feel well. I haven't in a long time. I find myself raw with emotions that I can't handle anymore. The pain weighs on me like a body of water. I tried for so long to keep my head above it. Right now, I have no idea where I am, but I feel pretty close to the bottom. Day after day of this heaviness makes me feel so deprived of oxygen and light. If you sink far enough, you can't tell which way is up and out. I am a believer. I believe that God is still God and He is still Good. He's pulled me out of a life worse than death... a life without Him. But I've never been here before... a life with Him, yet blinded once again. I taught myself not to concern myself with the fear that depression was lurking in the dark corners. I preoccupied myself with redefining myself by latching on to others.  Enough about that. ...