Valley
"God is my shield, my glory and the lifter of my head." Psalm 3:3 For a little while, I felt okay. Not quite good, but okay. I wasn't hurting. I think that was so much of a relief that the okay-ness became good enough. My head was finally above water. I was grateful. I think - no, I know there were even times of joy. These were gifts I know were from God to encourage me. So I didn't let go. But the blurred line between relief and complacency faded more and more. I was okay as long as I had a reason and permission to stay within my fortress of solitude. But now I have things coming up and there is a tightness in my chest. I am not sure enough of myself. I don't trust myself to be reliable. The momentary truth is that I don't want to commit to anything. History shows that I do what I want to do... and if I don't want to do it (especially if I really don't want to do it), I will back out and retreat. I hide. I resent those who try to pull me awa...