The Pomp and Circumstance

-

I'm not sure I can accurately put in to words how I'm feeling. Too many emotions to put into one sentence or even a single entry. I am grateful, most of all. Peaceful. And I feel tired. No, exhausted. As if without even noticing I've aged more these past two years than I have in the past seven. There is no filter that can hide that part of how I'm feeling. Yet, there is no amount of fatigue that can dislocate my gratitude. 
I think I started going to therapy last October... I barely remember that time, but I remember the my first visit with Amber quite vividly. I remember the darkness that surrounded me. I needed help. So, I got help. It was the hardest I've ever worked. And I found out more about myself than I have ever known... I just had to find myself, first. And now, once again, I'm on the other side of another impossible circumstance. Another burning bridge. This was a miracle... and because of this, I know I have so much farther to go. But not as a patient. My last appointment with Amber was two days ago. I didn't give up... I got stronger. I graduated. Now, with a clear mind, I'm capable of stepping into this new chapter.  
Amber said I'll never quite feel like this again. So close to the darkness behind me, yet so far away. I should write it all down. But there are so many facets of my testimony, a few still unfolding. And even more ahead. How do I begin? How do I allow God to heal others through my story, if that is what He wills? And how could I doubt it is His will? What purpose comes from so much struggle, if not for the sake of others? Could I be the one to point to hope? Could I be for others what I didn't have? 
Lord, don't let me forget before I figure this out. Don't let me miss the opportunities to learn how to put what You have done for me in words that will set people free. I give it all to You. 

"And everything I've taught you is so that the peace which is in Me
will be in you
and will give you great confidence as you rest in Me. 
For in this unbelieving world you will experience 
trouble and sorrows,
but you must be courageous, 
for I have conquered the world!"
(John 16.33 TPT)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Potentially Beautiful

-
Image
My assignment these past two weeks, if I understood correctly, was to find the beauty in the world around me and apply it to myself. My instruction was to keep the scale out of sight, so that I wouldn’t be tempted to step on it. I must wrap my mind around the truth that beauty has nothing to do with weight. This all started because I desire to be close to my husband. Among other obstacles, I struggle with the fear that he sees me as I see myself. Since not allowing him to see me has hurt my marriage, I must change the way I see myself. I must let God transform and redefine beauty and then find it in myself. I’ve made so much progress in these past months… I’ve come to acknowledge things that I can change – that need to change. And I’ve accepted what I can’t and moved forward. It’s been a while since I’ve woken up in tears and gone to bed in despair. The heaviness of the pain of grief has lifted. There has been the healing and restoration that I longed for in my relationship with To...
Read more

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

-
Image
“You are rising like the perfectly fitted stones of the temple; and your lives are being built up together upon the ideal foundation laid by the apostles and prophets, and best of all, you are connected to the Head Cornerstone of the building, the Anointed One, Jesus Christ Himself! This entire building is under construction and is continually growing under His supervision until it rises up completed as the holy temple of the Lord Himself. This means that God is transforming each one of you into the Holy of Holies, His dwelling place, through the power of the Holy Spirit living in you.” (Ephesians 2:20-22 TPT) Recently, the Arkansas Bridge in Bixby was under construction for maintenance. For almost five months, our four-lane bridge, and our only way through town, was narrowed to two lanes. Throughout each day, traffic would slow down to a crawl or even a full stop. To say this was an inconvenience for the whole town would be understating the level of frustration people we...
Read more