UNDER CONSTRUCTION

“You are rising like the perfectly fitted stones of the temple; and your lives are being built up together upon the ideal foundation laid by the apostles and prophets, and best of all, you are connected to the Head Cornerstone of the building, the Anointed One, Jesus Christ Himself!

This entire building is under construction and is continually growing under His supervision until it rises up completed as the holy temple of the Lord Himself. This means that God is transforming each one of you into the Holy of Holies, His dwelling place, through the power of the Holy Spirit living in you.”

(Ephesians 2:20-22 TPT)

Recently, the Arkansas Bridge in Bixby was under construction for maintenance. For almost five months, our four-lane bridge, and our only way through town, was narrowed to two lanes. Throughout each day, traffic would slow down to a crawl or even a full stop. To say this was an inconvenience for the whole town would be understating the level of frustration people were experiencing. However, Bixby had been growing for years and the bridge needed to be fortified to carry the weight of the increase. The work had to be done. Just this week, the bridge was completed, freshly painted and all four lanes opened for traffic to flow through effortlessly once again. As we and the rest of the town let out a sigh of great relief, God revealed a significant connection for me. You see, not long ago, I was under construction, too.

Christians don’t struggle with depression, because we have Jesus. We shouldn’t need therapy if we have faith. It sounds harsh now, but that’s what I believed for four years after I had given my life to Him. My backstory was filled with bad decisions, addiction, mental illness and disorder. That wasn’t me anymore, because I was healed from all of it. Medication free, sober and mentally healthy - that was me. But about a year and a half ago, my foot started to slip. Events of that time were taking their toll, and functioning had become increasingly difficult. It would have been a hard time for anyone, but I wasn’t bouncing back; I was getting worse. I felt like a failure – a gross disappointment. I don’t know if I had ever really hated myself so much, and I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but I lost control past the point of return. I started to question if I was going backwards, or whether I was healed to begin with. I questioned God’s love for me. I questioned my worth. I had hoped for so long that I would find my purpose, but I was beginning to think I had none. I was growing more cynical, angry and miserable. I was shutting down. My lanes were closing.

I was at an impasse with God. I knew I needed help, and now I believe He was just waiting for me to acknowledge it. Desperately, I asked Him to soften the hard places of my heart, and I knew that for me, it meant I had to be broken. Demolition comes before restoration. Sometimes right down to the foundation. For the next six months, I underwent Christian counseling at a place called Cornerstone. It was there that I realized how many places I had never let Jesus in. Jesus tells us that many of His people will cry out to Him, and He will reply, “I never knew you.” I finally understood how these words applied to me. I wanted Him to do the repairs without giving Him all the parts, and that just doesn’t happen. It was time to get to work.

It was the hardest work I’ve ever done. But through it, it was as if I was tasting God’s goodness for the first time. I was experiencing unabridged joy in my marriage like I never have before. I encountered a light within myself I didn’t know existed… a wholeness not yet discovered. There was redemption in many of my relationships I didn’t think was possible. I became stronger than I ever have been.

To get to higher ground, sometimes we must walk through a valley. I learned more about Jesus and myself in that valley than I ever knew. I learned that all along He desired to redeem my past as well as my future. I learned that the depth of my belief doesn’t change God’s goodness. I wasn’t going backwards, like I had feared. I was moving forward with Him. I was being fortified for the increase of what is to come. My lanes would be opened again for more people to travel and see the work He has done – the work that He can do, when we give Him all our parts. Maybe that is my purpose. To be a bridge of hope. Proof that on the other side of suffering, there is an even greater joy.